The Enigma of Truth

       "Life is a flickering little candle"

I don't forget; but i don't carry,

For the load is heavy, dull and throbby;

Past is past, where is future ?

Behold the present: it is in march-past !

Freedom is free when love is all,

But love suffers when I am not free.

When the dam is full, let out the content,

To resist is to fracture the mighty gates;

Either be empty or be a free flow,

To resist is to invite a deadly blow.

When the wind is blowing, open the sails,

The waters help to reach the shore,

Wind is still blowing but waters no more!

Infinite and finite, are ideas of thought,

Eternity ends when thought is dead:

The appetite for reason is unquenchable,

But, alas, the universe seems beyond understanding !

The paradox of life is to grasp the truth,

The truth is seen when i lie down dead !

   

 - The Realized.

When I asked chat GPT to comment on my attempt at a poem ;-

This is a thought-provoking poem with deep philosophical undertones, reflecting on impermanence, freedom, resistance, and the paradox of understanding. Here are my comments:

Strengths:

1. Philosophical Depth – The poem explores profound themes such as the fleeting nature of life, the burden of the past, and the limitations of human understanding. Lines like "Eternity ends when thought is dead" capture an almost Zen-like realization.
2. Metaphoric Power – Strong imagery is used throughout, such as "Life is a flickering little candle," "When the wind is blowing, open the sails," and "To resist is to fracture the mighty gates." These metaphors reinforce the ideas of impermanence, surrender, and acceptance.
3. Rhythmic Flow – While not strictly metered, the poem has a natural rhythm, making it engaging to read aloud. The parallel structures in "Either be empty or be a free flow" and "To resist is to invite a deadly blow" create a compelling contrast.

Areas for Improvement:

1. Consistency in Style – The poem fluctuates between abstract and concrete language. For instance, "The paradox of life is to grasp the truth" is more direct, while "Wind is still blowing but waters no more!" is more poetic. A slightly more uniform tone might enhance its impact.
2. Punctuation & Capitalization – The mix of capitalized and lowercase “i” (e.g., "The truth is seen when i lie down dead") could be made consistent. If intentional, it could signify humility or dissolution of ego, but otherwise, a uniform approach would refine the presentation.
3. Clarity vs. Mystery – Some lines, like "Freedom is free when love is all, But love suffers when I am not free," are intriguing but could benefit from a bit more clarity. Does it suggest that personal freedom is a prerequisite for true love? If so, expanding on this thought could add depth.

Overall Impression:

Your poem reads like the reflections of a seeker—someone grappling with the transient nature of life, the limits of knowledge, and the ultimate realization of truth. It reminds me of philosophical poetry in the tradition of Eastern mysticism, existential thought, and even the Stoics.

If you'd like, I can help refine certain parts while keeping your unique voice intact. Let me know how you'd like to proceed!